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Why Lightworkers Are Attracted to Narcissists - Ultimate Guide to Moving Forward

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Navigating a relationship with a narcissist can be incredibly challenging, as their manipulative tendencies and lack of empathy can leave one feeling emotionally drained and invalidated. This can be even more challenging if you are an empath and lightworker, as you possess a higher degree of sensitivity as well as a desire to be of service.

Drawing from my expertise as a psychic registered nurse and grief coach, I have extensive experience helping those victimized by narcissists. Moreover, my personal journey includes successfully healing from and transforming such a relationship.

In this guide, I'll share strategies to help you to recognize narcissists, cultivate strength, establish boundaries, and move forward with resilience in the face of narcissistic behavior.

What is a Narcissist?

Narcissistic personalities are characterized by a pattern of arrogance, a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. Whether romantic, platonic, or familial, narcissistic individuals often present significant challenges in relationships and interpersonal interactions.

It's important to note that everyone may exhibit some narcissistic traits from time to time, but those that display those traits consistently, and to a degree that significantly impairs their functioning and relationships, can be quite destructive in another's life, and their behavior often constitutes emotional abuse.

Another important thing to remember is that narcissists are often adept at hiding their true nature, presenting a façade of charm, confidence, and charisma to the outside world.

Below are some common signs that you may be dealing with a narcissist, followed by some common ways they hide their true nature.


Narcissists often have an inflated sense of self-importance and may exaggerate their achievements or talents. They may boast about their accomplishments and seek validation and admiration from others.

Additionally, they may bolster their own self-image while concurrently diminishing that of others.

Lack of Empathy

Narcissists tend not to empathize with the feelings and experiences of others. They may seem insensitive and dismissive of others' emotions, viewing them as insignificant and/or annoying.

Manipulative Behavior

Narcissists are skilled manipulators who often use charm, flattery, and manipulation to get what they want. They frequently exploit others for personal gain and lack remorse or guilt for their actions.

Sense of Entitlement

Narcissists often believe they are entitled to special treatment and privileges. They may expect others to cater to their needs and desires without considering the needs of others.

Cycling Through Idealization and Devaluation

Narcissists often have tumultuous relationships characterized by cycles of idealization and devaluation. They may idealize others initially, but quickly lose interest or become critical when their expectations are not met. This is a common one that I hear about in romantic relationships.


Despite their outward confidence, narcissists often have fragile self-esteem that is easily bruised by criticism or rejection. They may react defensively or aggressively when their sense of superiority is threatened. This often goes back to deep childhood wounds.

Lack of Accountability

Narcissists rarely take responsibility for their actions and may blame others for their mistakes or shortcomings. They may engage in gaslighting, denying and distorting reality to avoid accountability.

Attention-Seeking Behavior

Narcissists crave attention and admiration from others and may go to great lengths to seek validation. They may exaggerate their achievements, dominate conversations, and engage in attention-seeking behaviors to garner praise and admiration.


Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the perpetrator seeks to create doubt in the victim, making them question their own perception, memory, or sanity. This term originated from the play and film "Gaslight," in which a husband manipulates his wife into doubting her own reality.

Gaslighting can have devastating effects on the victim's mental health, leading to feelings of confusion, self-doubt, and even paranoia. It is often used as a tool for manipulation and control in abusive relationships, where the perpetrator seeks to maintain power and dominance over the victim.

Recognizing gaslighting behavior is the first step in protecting oneself from its harmful effects. By trusting one's instincts, seeking support from trusted friends and/or professionals, and setting boundaries with the gaslighter, victims can begin to reclaim their sense of reality and regain control over their lives.

Gaslighting typically involves a series of tactics employed by the perpetrator, including the following behaviors.


Denying that certain events or conversations ever occurred, even when the victim remembers them vividly.


Downplaying the victim's feelings and experiences, making them feel insignificant or irrational.


Distorting the truth or rewriting history to suit their narrative, causing the victim to question their own memory.


Accusing the victim of behaving in ways that they themselves are guilty of, deflecting attention away from their own behavior.


Shifting blame onto the victim for their own actions or shortcomings, further undermining their sense of self-worth.

How Narcissists Hide

Here are some common ways narcissists conceal their true nature.

Charm and Charisma

Narcissists often possess an innate charm and charisma that can be captivating to others. They may use their charm to win people over, creating a favorable impression that masks their underlying narcissistic traits.

Manipulative Tactics

Narcissists are skilled manipulators who excel at influencing and controlling others. They may use manipulation tactics such as gaslighting, guilt-tripping, and love-bombing to maintain power and control in relationships.

When confronted with criticism or accountability, they are quick to deflect blame onto others. They may shift responsibility for their actions onto their victims or make excuses to avoid facing consequences.


Narcissists may project an image of confidence and superiority to cover up their deep-seated insecurities and vulnerabilities. They may boast about their achievements, exaggerate their talents, and belittle others to bolster their own self-esteem.

Selective Disclosure

Narcissists are selective in what they choose to reveal about themselves, often presenting a carefully crafted image that highlights their strengths and conceals their weaknesses. They may withhold information or distort the truth to maintain this image.


Narcissists are often great at adapting their behavior to different social situations and environments. They may present different personas to different people, tailoring their image to suit the expectations and desires of their audience.

Superficial Relationships

Narcissists often cultivate a network of superficial relationships based on surface-level connections and mutual benefit. They may use these relationships to bolster their ego and gain validation, while concealing their true nature from others.

Idealization and Devaluation

In romantic relationships, narcissists often engage in a cycle of idealization and devaluation, initially idealizing their partners to win their affection, then devaluing them once they no longer serve their needs. This cycle can create confusion and make it difficult for others to recognize the narcissist's true intentions.

Overall, narcissists are adept at presenting a façade of charm, confidence, and superiority that masks their underlying insecurities and vulnerabilities.

It often takes time and insight to see through this façade and recognize the true nature of the narcissistic individual.

Why Lightworkers Attract and Are Attracted to Narcissists

While not all lightworkers and empaths will necessarily be attracted to narcissists, the potential for such an attraction exists due to the complementary, yet often destructive nature of their respective traits.

Lightworkers often possess a strong sense of empathy, compassion, and a desire to heal and uplift others. This predisposition can make them susceptible to being attracted to individuals who exhibit narcissistic traits for several reasons.

Perceived Need for Healing

Lightworkers may be drawn to narcissists because they see them as individuals who are wounded and in need of healing. They may believe that their love and support can help the narcissist overcome their insecurities and negative behaviors.

Initial Charm and Charisma

Since narcissists are often skilled at presenting themselves in an attractive and charismatic manner, especially during the initial stages of a relationship, this charm can be particularly appealing to lightworkers who are naturally drawn to positivity and warmth.

Projection of Idealized Qualities

Narcissists may initially mirror or project qualities that lightworkers value, such as confidence, ambition, and charisma. Lightworkers may be initially attracted to these perceived positive traits before realizing the underlying narcissistic tendencies.

Desire to Save Others

Lightworkers may have a strong desire to save or rescue others, believing that their love and support can transform even the most damaged individuals. This altruistic impulse can lead them to overlook or minimize red flags in the narcissist's behavior.

Manipulation and Gaslighting

Since narcissists are skilled manipulators who often use tactics such as gaslighting to control and manipulate their partners, lightworkers, with their empathic and forgiving nature, may be more inclined to give the narcissist the benefit of the doubt or rationalize their abusive behavior.

Effects of Emotional Abuse

Staying in an emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist can have profound and lasting effects on a person's mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Here are some common impacts.

Low Self-Esteem

Constant criticism, manipulation, and belittling from the narcissist can erode the victim's self-esteem, leaving them feeling worthless and inadequate.

Anxiety and Depression

The constant stress, unpredictability, and emotional turmoil of the relationship can contribute to the development of anxiety and depression.


Narcissists often isolate their victims from friends and family, making them dependent on the narcissist for validation and support. This isolation can further exacerbate feelings of loneliness and helplessness.

Guilt and Shame

Victims of narcissistic abuse may internalize the blame for the abuse, feeling guilty or ashamed for not meeting the narcissist's unrealistic expectations.


Gaslighting is a common tactic used by narcissists to distort reality and make the victim doubt their own perceptions and experiences. This can lead to confusion, self-doubt, and a loss of trust in oneself.

Physical Health Issues

The chronic stress of an emotionally abusive relationship can take a toll on physical health, leading to headaches, digestive problems, insomnia, and a myriad of other stress-related ailments.

Financial Dependency

Narcissists may control their victims financially, making it difficult for them to leave the relationship and become financially independent.

Energy Imbalances & Blocked Chakras

Persistent trauma and emotional abuse disrupts the balance of all chakras, and can disrupt and weaken the aura, thereby compromising its protective function against external energies.

The heightened activation of the "fight, flight, or freeze" response due to repeated abuse often results in compromised immune function and adrenal fatigue. Prolonged energy imbalances may manifest as physical ailments over time.

Cycle of Abuse

Victims of narcissistic abuse often find themselves caught in a cycle of abuse, where periods of excessive flattery and affection are followed by devaluation and discard. This cycle can be incredibly confusing and difficult to break free from.

Overall, staying in an emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist can have devastating consequences for the victim's mental, emotional, and physical well-being.

Moving Forward

It's important for those receiving this type of abuse to seek support from trusted friends, family members, and/or professionals and to prioritize their own safety and well-being. Leaving the relationship and seeking therapy or counseling can be essential steps towards healing and reclaiming one's life.

Moving forward within or from a relationship with a narcissist can be a gradual process, but it is essential for healing and growth. Below are some steps to help.

Cultivating Strength

Dealing with a narcissist requires inner strength and resilience. Here are some tips to help you cultivate that strength

Don't Engage

It's crucial not to engage when someone is attempting to gaslight because doing so only perpetuates their manipulation.

Gaslighting thrives on the victim's validation or reaction, reinforcing the gaslighter's control over the narrative.

By refusing to engage, you assert your boundaries and protect your sense of reality and self-worth. Stepping away from such interactions preserves your mental and emotional well-being, fostering clarity and empowerment.

Self-Reflection and Self Care

Take time to reflect on your own values, beliefs, and boundaries. Know what you stand for and what you will not tolerate.

Redirect your energy and attention toward your own goals, passions, and interests. Invest in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. This can be difficult at first, but I promise that the more you do it, the easier it gets and the more empowered you will become. Have patience with yourself - you're making big changes.

Prioritize self-care practices that nourish your mind, body, and spirit. This could include exercise, meditation, journaling, a support group, and spending time in nature and with trustworthy, non-judgemental friends.

Seek Support

Engage with a supportive network of friends, family, or a therapist who can offer validation, understanding, and encouragement.


Practice assertive communication techniques to convey your needs and boundaries with the narcissist. Stand firm in your convictions without resorting to aggression or hostility.

Many experienced therapists, coaches, and counselors are available to support you in this process. They can offer guidance and even engage in role-playing exercises to help you develop resilience and clarity of thought. They can also provide guidance, validation, and other tools to help you heal and thrive.

By equipping yourself with these skills, you'll be better prepared to respond to narcissists with grace and empowerment.

Establishing Boundaries

Setting boundaries is crucial when dealing with a narcissist. Here's how to establish and maintain healthy boundaries.

Identify Your Limits

Determine what behaviors are acceptable and unacceptable to you in the relationship. Clearly communicate these boundaries to the narcissist.


Be consistent in enforcing your boundaries. Do not waver or compromise in the face of manipulation or pressure from the narcissist.

Protect Your Energy

Limit your exposure to the narcissist's toxic behavior whenever possible. This may involve setting physical, emotional, or social boundaries to safeguard your well-being.

Detach Emotionally

Detach emotionally from the narcissist's attempts to provoke or manipulate you. Focus on maintaining your own emotional stability and inner peace.

Release Resentment

Practice forgiveness and let go of any resentment or bitterness towards the narcissist. Holding onto negative emotions only prolongs your own suffering.

Learn from the Experience

Reflect on the lessons learned from your experience with the narcissist. Use these insights to strengthen your boundaries, enhance your self-awareness, and avoid similar situations in the future.

In Summary

Dealing with a narcissist is undoubtedly challenging, but by cultivating inner strength, establishing boundaries, and prioritizing your own well-being, you can navigate this difficult terrain with grace and resilience.

Remember that you are worthy of love, respect, and happiness, and take steps to create a life that reflects that truth.

If you are looking for professional support, at Sacred Awaken, I offer a variety of services to help you move forward, including grief coaching, health and wellness coaching, psychic readings and guidance, spiritual counseling, and Reiki and energy balancing.

I am a psychic Registered Nurse, Reiki Master, and Health and Wellness Coach with over 30 years of experience and education, and I am here to empower you to move forward, heal, and live your best life possible.

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